Wrestling Wrap Up: HBK's Headed to SummerSlam!

So it seems as though the best part of last night’s RAW happened after the show went off the air and the entire arena was treated to "Shawn Michaels Appreciation Night!" Not that RAW was bad mind you, but I think we might have all liked to see an actual RAW dedicated to HBK – like the one they did for The Rock last year. Still, maybe it was too soon considering that we just saw Michaels two freakin’ weeks ago for a DX-nostalgiaballz segment. “I’m old and tired and can’t hop down to the ring like I used to” jokes included!

"Cuz I'm a (very very tired and weary) Sexy Boy..."

But after the cameras shut off last night, the “boys” tributized the hell out of HBK, breaking character and lettin’ loose with the huggery. CM Punk apparently got on the mic and told everyone how much HBK inspired him and how something Michaels autographed for him back when he was 15 is his most cherished possession. Which is funny considering how much bile Punk has spewed at autograph hounds.

HBK's milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

Oh, and even Undertaker came out. And it will always be strange to think about the guys who show up to the arena, who are on the roster, and aren’t used on TV. We just went through this whole thing a little bit with Cena and Big Show a few months back when they’d skip the televised RAW (with the announcers saying they weren't there that week) but show up for the after-show dark match because they were advertised. But to just think that Taker was there, ready to do an actual entrance, and wasn’t used on TV is a funny, funny thing indeed. And sticking with this for a moment, I’m reminded of how "meta" I get when I start to wonder why anyone shows up at all for a show that’s supposedly, in-story, booked on the spot. Like, if Alberto Del Rio doesn’t want to have a match, why doesn’t he just stay home? And likewise, if Del Rio hadn’t showed up to try and not have a match, what would Christian have done that night? Sometimes I like to drive myself mealworm-mad trying to hyper-dissect the idea of “wrestlers supposedly don’t know what they’re going to do on a live show until they’re told on the air.”



So, back to HBK. Who did show up on TV for a segment with Triple H and Brock, telling everyone he’d be in the corner for the SummerSlam match. Which now means that he’ll either cause Triple H to win or lose. I dunno. I’m fine with the match. I think it’ll be good. But after every one of these in-ring scenes all I can think is...DAMN, PAUL HEYMAN IS GOOD ON THE MIC! I mean, he’s sold this entire story. He’s put this whole thing together. There’s just so much conviction in his words, but he also never comes off as phony.

And, like all those old ‘90s-era guys, he’ll never cut off that damn skullytail that looks like it’s sprouted directly out of his cervical vertebrae. Hell, the DX guys came out for RAW 1000 and apparently none of them ever considered, you know, a trim or something. A snip. A little off the ears. They all still look like strip club owners. Obscenely long ponytails 4 life! Undertaker’s shown us that the only way to truly rid one’s self of out-dated retro coiffure is actual hair loss. Or some sort of targeted genetic blight.

Last night’s RAW was mostly a placeholder. Punk is still demanding respect. AJ is still “not crazy enough” as a GM and would be better off in a storyline. Daniel Bryan might not have been featured in tons of segments, but he was in the Main Event against Cena, eventually getting trapped inside a completely horrible-looking STF. Was Cena afraid of touching Bryan’s beard with his arms? Randy Orton looked incredibly bored (his version of stoic intensity) facing The Big Show, Sandow attacked Brodus in mid-funkadance and - will you look at that! - there was even a Diva match. Which featured the return of Kelly Kelly. Who went...somewhere. Back to Xanadu most likely. To roller-skate and shoot lasers out of her eyes.

Meanwhile, Bryan (and this counts as part of my Smackdown discussion too btw) has become a ball of distracted rage due to the fact that he maybe, possibly will have to do something with Charlie Sheen to help promote Sheen’s Anger Management show at SummerSlam. But nothing’s settled yet, and so until then Bryan’s just going to be screaming “NO!” at everyone. Man, the absurdity of it. It’s…half-great. I mean, it’s bad because we want to see Bryan doing cooler things, but just the fact that, within a few months, you can actually have a spirited, informative debate in the WWE involving people screaming “YES!” and “NO!” at one another is fantastic.

Hopefully, after all the Anger Management plugging is over and done with, Bryan can move on and maybe even, you know, reclaim the “YES!” chant. He was a lot more fun when he was just obsessively and aggressively positive. I’m not sure what AJ’s going to do after Bryan’s SummerSlam match since she just seems to live to drive him crazy. Again, I appreciate that she now skips down to the ring in her petite power suit, but I want to see her doing more. The WWE, typically, jumped the gun by making her GM. Like they did with Punk last Summer after Pipe Bomb 3:16.

Source : feeds.ign.com